Who needs reality TV when we have Fukushima?

Musings of a Malcontent: Remember Fukushima!

“Musings of a Malcontent” is a weekly op-ed by GlobalWarmingisReal contributor Carlyle Coash

Remember Fukushima?

I know – that was so two months ago.

After all I am much more interested in the fact Mila Kunis speaks Russian. Or that Bradley Cooper speaks French. Or how Snooki from the Jersey Shore got her name. Or the lady who gave birth to a baby and did not know she was pregnant. Or the other lady who killed her kid and got off refusing this week to appear publicly until she gets a great TV offer.

Oh yeah – and the fact that they just found several spots at the Fukushima reactor that can kill you within seconds.

Good times.

Tepco (Tokyo Electric Power), who operates the plant, tested the spots remotely and found that the levels reached 10 sieverts. They actually do not know how high it really is because the machine they used only goes to 10 sieverts. So it could likely be higher.

By the way – radiation exposure of 10 sieverts will incapacitate or kill you immediately.

I am curious how they define “incapacitate”. Bleeding out of all your pours? Total collapse of your lungs? Radiation burns over 90% of your body? Since the other choice is death, I am unsure what other options are left.

What strikes me is that I worked to find this information. It took several searches before I found the link to MSNBC. Somehow I should know this new information without effort. In fact I know more about Pippa Middleton than I do about anything going on in Japan. She did look really nice in that dress last week though – so I can understand – not to mention that great frock she donned last month.

I wonder what 10 sieverts of radiation would look like in Versace?

If only the folks at Fukushima could incorporate some image consulting at the plant, then it would be in the news more. After all – a little spin never hurt anyone. Since I have been traveling the last couple of weeks, I wound up watching way too much hotel cable TV. I am amazed at who gets their own show these days. Anyway it got me thinking about the possibilities for Japan. If the Greenpeace folks can get Whale Wars, then why not some kind of show for Fukushima? Some thoughts that came to mind:

Celebrity Rehab – Toxin Overload! – What a perfect hybrid – washout stars trying to detox while helping to detox the reactor. It’s like a double detox party. Talk about motivation to get clean and sober as quickly as possible – since the longer it takes the more likelihood of radiation poisoning. Plus with the use of the word “celebrity” on this show as a basically subjective notion, no one will be sad if a couple of them keel over because they fell off the wagon and partied on the reactor core all night.

Survivor: Fukushima – It’s about time really. Forget desert islands and remote jungles – those are so passé. Give the contestants something to really survive – CAESIUM! Teams would have to compete transporting rods of plutonium and other such tests of radioactive prowess. Perhaps there could even be a part where they see who can tolerate the most direct exposure – stripped down to thongs or whatever they wear now on the show. After all, people will do almost anything for a million dollars.

The Radiators – There are so many reality shows right now about dangerous professions. The Deadliest Catch; Ice Road Truckers; Dancing with the Stars. Why not one for radiation clean-up professionals? I mean talk about drama! Immediate death at any point. Tense moments at the water cooler as someone forgets to take off their HAZMAT suit. Government agencies reporting that everything is just fine. What could be better?

I should go into advertising – or have my head examined. Maybe both. Regardless I think it is wise for me to stop before I get carried away, especially since I was starting to come up with spin-off ideas involving Chernobyl.

Ooooh – better go. The networks are calling.

I hope Rupert will be interested. Maybe I can work in a radioactive cream pie somewhere.

He likes those right?

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