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Environmental Outlooks: Musings of the Malcontent

The first installment of Musings of a MalcontentEditor’s note: We’d like to welcome Carlyle Coash as a new contributor to GlobalWarmingisReal. This is the first installment of a new weekly series by Carlyle called “Musings of a Malcontent.” Take what he says very seriously. Because we all need  a little irony. Enjoy!

Here are the musings of a malcontent.

After all, with the way the world has been going it might be good to have some frivolous musings every week. That’s the plan anyway.

Where to begin? Floods. Earthquakes. Tsunamis. Oh yea – tornadoes in Massachusetts. When I saw the headline for those tornadoes I thought,

“That can’t be good”.

Then I read that they have about two a year, the worst one being in the 1950’s. Somehow that did not make me feel any better, especially since I thought I had a good item for all those folks who think global warming is a joke.  Nowadays I feel I need all the positive proof I can find. Thanks Massachusetts.

Things seem to be unraveling though – the edges of our agreed upon civility slowly becoming frayed. More stress on everything, especially the planet. Luckily the earth is supremely good at reminding us that we can have our asses (in the biblical sense of course) handed to us at any time. Still we seem to go on without a care. Doing what we do as if it will all just go away.

So for your amusement, here are a few tidbits to scratch your head about. Consider them reminders of just how little we are paying attention. By the by – since everything is interconnected, what might seem off topic is, well, exactly where it needs to be.

  1. Rank of Communist China among the “greenest” regimes in history, based on total atmospheric carbon reduction: #1. Rank of Genghis Khan’s Mongol Empire: #2.
    I tried to find out where the US fell on that list – from the Carnegie Institution of Washington by the way – but frankly falling anywhere under Genghis Khan just took the interest right out of me. I mean we have no excuse. We can’t say – “well he got #2 because he was around before global industry” – especially when #1 is a country renowned for spewing all sorts of delight into the atmosphere. Looks like GK is still a playa after all this time!
  2. The sexual arousal of men is dampened by sniffing the tears of a woman
    Well gee. Now I know where all the funding for global warming research is going. Too bad Andrew Weiner didn’t know this or he could have saved himself a lot of trouble last week.
  3. Scientists found pigeons have trouble finding their way home if their right nostrils are plugged.
    By all means take some time to get to the bottom of this! Perhaps this is why the honeybees are disappearing, or why we will all be under water in 10 years. Remove those plugs so we can all be saved!
  4. In January a 10-bed hotel made entirely of garbage opened in Madrid.
    Do they have room service or do you just snack from the walls? Actually this is how many of the poor of the world are living, so maybe this is a way for the rich to have a “poor immersion” experience.
  5. Infants shown videos of snakes spend more time watching when the video is accompanied by a fearful voice than a happy one.
    We’re screwed if the invading alien army that arrives is all angry sounding snake people. Just saying.
  6. A computer model found polar bears incapable of eating snow geese into extinction.
    This is interesting given how we are driving polar bears to extinction.
  7. In Burma, a newly discovered noseless monkey was assumed to be critically endangered because despite its efforts to keep its head tucked between its legs on rainy days – it sneezes whenever rain falls into its nasal cavity and thereby alerts hunters to its presence.
    Too bad those monkeys don’t live around more polar bears.
  8. The practice of black magic and the popularity of the Harry Potter franchise are both endangering India’s wild owls.
    I knew that goody two-shoes Potter was actually playing for the dark side. I bet he does blood sacrifices with Greenpeace volunteers just for spite. I hope Voldemort takes him out in the next movie.
  9. In 2009, 7,277,254 pounds of antibiotics produced in the US were consumed by humans. 28,808,023 pounds of antibiotics were consumed by animals raised for human consumption in the same year.
    All that and I still got the flu? Time to become a vegetarian.
  10. Term with the largest percentage gain in number of internet searches between 2009 and 2010?  “Shellacking”!!!
    Do I need to say more? Suggestions for 2011?

 

Thanks to Harper’s Magazine for all the amazing information. Check them out here.

 

 

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